I’ve mentioned this before, but there’s something that’s so pervasive in this community that I didn’t even notice it until I started doing some research…

It’s the fact that almost everyone in the community uses the exact same leadership style and I’m not sure that anyone realizes that.

The type of leadership style that’s ubiquitous in this community is known as: Transactional Leadership.

Isn’t that weird?

Everybody is doing it and nobody is talking about the fact that everybody is doing the same thing.

Did you know that there are other ways to lead your woman besides implementing a system of rewards and punishments to keep her in line?

I didn’t know that until recently…

…I just always thought like, “Yeah, that’s the way it’s done.”

But.

If that’s not the only way leadership is done effectively in the real world, why does that have to be the only way leadership is effectively done in our world?

If managers and CEOs can rally their subordinates in other ways, why can’t you?

That’s not to say you can’t mix and match leadership styles suited to different purposes.

But.

As far as leading in a more realistic, day-to-day manner goes, it might be especially handy to learn a little bit about the other styles of leadership available to you.

This is for people who want to lead in ways that are viable in the real world.

It’s for people who understand that those they’re leading are just as real and important as themselves.

They’re just a different type of person - but they still matter just as much.

In fact, they, too, lead in their own ways…

Leadership styles are for those kinds of readers.

I’m actually going to write a whole entire chapter on just this topic in the “Masculine Leadership” course, diving into each style in-depth.

In the meantime, here’s a quick, but descriptive, run-down.

There are probably hundreds of leadership styles.

There are probably more leadership styles than have been discovered in our thousands of years of doing leaderly things.

I’m going to talk about the ones that are most commonly discussed.

They’re easier to research.

For our purposes today, these are the leadership styles we’re going to talk about:

  • Autocratic Leadership

  • Authoritative Leadership

  • Democratic Leadership

  • Servant Leadership

  • Laissez-Faire Leadership

  • Transformational Leadership

  • Visionary Leadership

  • Coaching Leadership

  • Bureaucratic Leadership

  • Transactional Leadership

For reference, when we were deciding our dual leadership roles, my partner decided he jives the most with Servant Leadership and I felt I resonated the most with Visionary Leadership.

As you go through this list, ask yourself which type of leadership you relate to the most.

Autocratic Leadership

Autocratic leaders give all the orders and take none of the feedback.

Characteristics:

  • Centralized decision-making.
    In our case, that would mean that the leader makes all the decisions without space for input or feedback from the other partner.

  • Strict control.
    This would be a relationship where one person sets all the rules and expects the other to follow without question.

  • One-way communication.
    “I tell you what to do and you just do it. We have nothing else to discuss.”

Pros:

  • Quick decision-making.
    This is actually a good leadership style in a crisis. One person - hope to god it’s the most competent person - is giving orders and everyone else is following them without wasting time arguing about it.

Cons:

  • Diminished morale.
    Usually this kind of leadership doesn’t feel good to be under. Subordinates may run away.

  • Stifled potential.
    This leadership style can crush the spirit, prospects, joy, happiness, joie-de-vivre, and overall potential of the lives affected by it.

Authoritative Leadership

Authoritative leaders make decisions themselves, but still possess a high degree of empathy for their team and use their emotional intelligence to inspire rather than threaten.

Characteristics:

  • Empathetic.
    While the Authoritative Leader knows that he’s the one in charge, he still possess empathy and uses his position of power to do right by those under him.

  • Emotional intelligence.
    Authoritative Leaders use their high degree of emotional intelligence to motivate their teams rather than fear.

Pros:

  • It breeds goodwill.
    This leader takes the time to learn their team’s wants and fears to better identify obstacles and opportunities.

  • Inspires confidence.
    The confidence of the Authoritative Leader is contagious and gives followers the sense that they’re in good hands.

Cons:

  • Requires a high degree of accountability.
    Authoritative Leaders make decisions themselves. That means that they need to take accountability when it goes wrong.

  • Can feel overbearing.
    For a partner looking for more autonomy, the Authoritative Leaders centralized decision making can make them feel suffocated.

Democratic Leadership

Also called participative leadership.

This leadership style equally values the input of the partner without what would traditionally be considered “power” in the dynamic.

Characteristics:

  • Encouraged participation.
    Subordinates aren’t heard reluctantly, but with enthusiasm and prompting from the leader.

  • Empowerment.
    Democratic Leaders empower their subordinates within the team dynamic.

Pros:

  • Increased engagement.
    When people feel like they share ownership in something, they’re more likely to be more invested in it.

  • Better decision-quality.
    Each of us has information and insight that the other doesn’t. When collaborating, all that extra data is available to the decision-making process.

Cons:

  • Time-consuming.
    Decisions in these dynamics necessarily take longer.

  • Stalled decisions.
    If teammates can’t agree, it can stop a decision being made at all.

Servant Leadership

Servant leadership prioritizes caring for those under your leadership.

The servant leader focuses on the well-being of their team above all else. Their leadership revolves around empowering their subordinates.

Characteristics:

  • Serve first style.
    The purpose of leadership is to support their team rather than for their own personal power or gain.

  • Develops supporting skills.
    Including: active listening, empathy, awareness, persuasion, healing, and stewardship.

Pros:

  • Increased trust.
    Subordinates trust that this leader has their best interests at heart.

  • Increased morale.
    Subordinates believe in this leader.

  • Greater subordinate growth and development.
    Subordinates are better able to become their best selves under this leadership.

Cons:

  • Prioritizes others.
    In this leadership style, the team comes first and the leader comes second.

  • Requires a leader who doesn’t have a large ego.
    Unappealing style for those with an ego.

This is the style chosen by my own partner.

Laissez-Faire Leadership

Hands-off leadership approach that delegates tasks to highly-motivated individuals who choose how they want to meet those objectives.

Characteristics:

  • Autonomy.
    Subordinates have a great deal of freedom to lead themselves.

  • Trust.
    The leader trusts subordinates to perform their duties to the best of their ability using their own good sense and creativity.

Pros:

  • Less work for the leader.
    Allows highly-motivated subordinates to bring more of their own skills and talents to the team’s objectives.

  • Subordinate development.
    Encourages subordinates to do more of their own solution-finding.

Cons:

  • Lack of direction.
    Subordinates might have a diminished sense of what they’re supposed to be doing.

Transformational Leadership

Inspires and motivates subordinates to achieve a shared vision through personal growth and empowerment.

Characteristics:

  • Focuses on the how of the shared vision.
    Strengthens and develops the team to best achieve said vision.

  • Fosters individual growth.
    Instills confidence and encourages the team to develop personal skills and talents.

  • Pursues the four I’s.
    Idealized influence, inspirational motivation, intellectual stimulation, and individualized consideration.

Pros:

  • Loyalty and commitment.
    Team members link their best future with the leader’s vision.

  • Sense of purpose.
    Team members possess a greater sense of purpose in performing their share of the objectives.

Cons:

  • Relies on inspiration.
    This leader doesn’t rest on their authority, but on their ability to rouse their audience to action.

I used to think I wanted to be a visionary leader, but now that I’ve dived into it more, I’m finding transformational leadership more appealing.

Visionary Leadership

Creates an inspiring long-term vision and strategy, motivating others to work towards that vision.

Characteristics:

  • Compelling vision.
    Sets and effectively communicates a long-term vision and inspires the team towards that goal.

  • Thinks strategically.
    Charts a course towards the desired future state of the team and inspires others to pursue it.

  • Boldness.
    The visionary leader clearly sees a better future and does what it takes to get there.

Pros:

  • Adaptability.
    Change is the name of the game in visionary leadership and rapidly adapts to evolving external circumstances.

  • Strategic planning.
    Visionary leadership shares a lot of characteristics with transformational leadership but focuses more on the central strategy over developing individual team members.

Cons:

  • Dependence on the leader.
    In visionary leadership, the boat is steered entirely by the captain, leaving team members in a reduced capacity to reach the same objectives without their leader.

Coaching Leadership

Acts as a mentor to unlock their team’s potential rather than issuing orders.

Characteristics:

  • Personalized guidance.
    Tailors their leadership approach to their team’s unique qualities, strengths, and weaknesses.

  • Focus on development.
    The coaching leader’s priority is the growth of their team.

  • Mentorship.
    Coaching leaders act as mentors, investing themselves in helping their team overcome obstacles and develop their capabilities.

Pros:

  • Increased trust.
    Subordinates trust that this leader has their best interests at heart.

  • Enhanced subordinate skills.
    Team members continuously grow and improve.

Cons:

  • Decreased focus on objectives.
    The coaching leader focuses on the team’s personal growth rather than shared goals.

  • Leader takes a backseat.
    The coaching leader prioritizes team growth rather than their own ambitions.

Bureaucratic Leadership

Relies on rules, procedures, and given authority.

Characteristics:

  • Standardized processes.
    There are clear instructions for how things should be done.

  • Defined roles.
    Roles are carefully defined and adhered to.

  • Strict rules.
    There is no room to stray from outlined rules.

Pros:

  • Clarity.
    Leader and team know what’s expected of them.

  • Consistency.
    Leader and team have predictability.

  • Authority.
    The leader exercises a greater amount of authority.

Cons:

  • Loss of individuality.
    There’s less room for individual creativity or problem-solving.

  • Decreased morale.
    Teams may feel like this leadership style is soul-sucking.

  • Inflexibility.
    This is not a leadership style that fosters innovation or new ideas.

Transactional Leadership

Focuses on rewards and punishments to motivate.

Characteristics:

  • Contingent rewards.
    Rewards are based on the performance of strictly-outlined tasks.

  • Corrective actions.
    Discipline is used to correct unwanted behaviors.

  • Extrinsic motivation.
    Motivation is driven by external rewards.

Pros:

  • Direct motivation.
    There are clear reasons for doing what the leader wants.

  • Well-defined framework.
    Subordinates have clear direction about what the leader desires them to do.

  • Clear expectations.
    There is less uncertainty about how subordinates should behave.

Cons:

  • Inflexibility.
    Can stifle creative problem-solving.

  • Diminished growth.
    This leadership style doesn’t have any focus on the development of the team.

  • Short-term focus.
    Is good for short-term goals, but less suited to long-term objectives.

My own partner mixes and matches his servant leadership style with transactional leadership in different situations.

You can mix and match leadership styles for different situations.

My partner and I categorize broad areas of leadership including:

  • Domestic

  • Career

  • Growth

  • Sexual

…and utilize different leadership styles for different categories.

Try it out in your life and see how it works for you!

Next week’s lesson: Dynamics That Are Cruel.